


Here's to You, You Old Wreck

by bruises



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Partially Deceased Syndrome, Past Drug Use, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepy Cuddles, Warming Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruises/pseuds/bruises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon has nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's to You, You Old Wreck

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Keaton Henson’s ‘To Your Health’.

Simon wakes up, feels pressure pushing against his chest, like an itch that he can’t scratch because he can’t _fee itl_. It’s probably just the guilt weighing down on him, **_again_**. He has nightmares all the time. He thinks it’s an effect of being experimented on by John and Victor for as long as he was but he doesn’t quite know and he probably never will.

Sometimes his nightmares are about what his imagination thinks the ULA will do when they find him. The worst nightmares are the flashbacks; of what he did before he was in the treatment centre, of how he was used when he was in the treatment centre.

He lives with the Walkers now, in the spare room of their house which is right across from Kieren’s. Staying in the Bungalow was too much –it was Amy’s Bungalow, not Simon’s. He could never live there by himself.

Most nights Kieren insists on Simon sleeping with him, claiming that Simon keeps him warm but Simon knows that’s a lie because he’s still Partially Deceased and colder than ice 24/7. Kieren is warming up though, becoming more like Amy was before she passed and they both know it. When Kieren finally falls asleep, Simon leaves the room quietly and goes back to his own.

He wants to tell Kieren about the nightmares and the flashbacks, he really does, but Kieren already has enough to worry about. Jem’s holding a gun again, Amy’s gone, he gets emotional over Rick every now and then and he’s warming up. He doesn’t need Simon’s problems to worry about too.

The other day Kieren went to leave the house but complained about the weather, about how cold it was, and then rushed upstairs to get another hoodie while Simon waited outside the front of the house with his hands stuffed in the too-big pockets of his coat.

-

Simon shakes; it’s not just his hands but it’s his whole body. It almost feels like he’s convulsing and he quickly thinks if he missed a dose of Neurotriptyline but he can’t have. The Walkers are consistent with the stuff; they make sure that Simon and Kieren get their doses when they need them because they don’t want to risk a rabid attack.

He knows he’s having a panic attack; it’s happened before (too many times before), but the only thing he can do is wait it out. Simon feels water trickling down from the corners of his eyes so he raises a shaking arm to wipe away the tears with the sleeve of his jumper.

Through the shaking, Simon makes his way to the corner of the room where his knees touch his chest and his hands are placed over either side of his head. He’s rocking back and forth, wishing for no memories to come back because the nightmare was bad enough, and somehow it works.

Simon is still shaking but he’s calm. He’s not having any more flashbacks from the treatment centre and he’s not having memories triggered from before he was medicated. Sure, Simon is still a mess but he isn’t suffering half as much as he could be so for him, it’s a win.

He wonders why he was brought back in the Rising. He had problems with depression and drugs for majority of his life; died of a drug overdose, in fact. Then he rises from his grave which sounded literally impossible before it happened, and killed his mother because he was too rabid to think straight. To top it all off he offers to get experimented on by doctors in hopes that his family won’t have to see him like this, see him as a _Partially Deceased Syndrome sufferer_ , but when he asks them to stop they don’t stop. The doctors keep going, then they send him home with some make-up and contact lenses. His father kicks him out of the house that he’d lived in for most of his living life, and then Simon goes and joins the ULA because he has no faith left –not that he’d had any to begin with.

Without realizing it, Simon has spiralled back down into a sea of shallow and uneven breathing, causing him to make more noise than he should be making; especially when the rest of the house is asleep.

There’s a knock at Simon’s door but he can’t get up an answer it because he’s having _another_ panic attack.

“Simon?” Kieren’s drowsy voice rings in Simon’s ears but he’s too busy breathing harshly to reply.

Kieren flicks on the light switch, eyes instantly snapping open when he sees that Simon isn’t in his bed but he’s sitting in the corner of his room with his knees against his chest and his hands over his ears. This has happened before; when Kieren found out that Simon was actually meant to kill him, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as this looked.

He kneels down in front of Simon, gently placing one hand on each shoulder and applies enough pressure for Simon to know that he’s touching him –to know that he’s there.

“Simon? Simon, hey. You’re going to be okay,” Kieren says calmly, “I want you to breath with me, can you do that?”

It’s almost impossible to understand Simon’s response because his voice is so raw that his thick accent becomes almost unrecognizable. “…Mhm.”

Kieren lets out a small sigh of relief before he starts inhaling and exhaling along with Simon. He watches the way that Simon’s hands move away from his ears and rest against the carpeted floor beside his own. Simon’s hands are ice cold, the way Kieren’s used to be before he started warming up.

When Simon doesn’t see the room spinning the way it used to, he shuffles closer to Kieren and rests his head against his chest, listening to the way Kieren’s heart thumps against his ribcage. The sound is soothing and it relaxes Simon more than anything ever has before.

With his hands on either side of Kieren’s waist holding the fabric of his shirt, Simon loosens his grip on the cotton and exhales, feeling relieved of all that pressure.

“You’re incredible, Kieren,” Simon says with one shaky breath.

Kieren shakes his head and places his hands on either side of Simon’s face. He presses their lips together and kisses Simon slowly, letting him practically melt against him. When the break apart, Simon is almost sitting in Kieren’s lap and his head is resting against Kieren’s shoulder.

“You’re incredible, Simon,” Kieren tells him as he cards his fingertips through Simon’s hair, liking the way he can feel the strands brush against the tips of his fingers. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

They sit like this for the rest of the night and Kieren keeps carding the tips of his fingers through Simon’s hair, unsure if he can feel it or not. Simon decides that he’s going to tell Kieren about the nightmares tomorrow just as falls asleep in his arms.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for In The Flesh, let me know what you think. Thank you for reading!  
> [my tumblr](http://ohfemslash.tumblr.com/)


End file.
